Thanksgiving

Not many pictures from Thanksgiving. I was mostly on drugs and in pain, but still ventured to Bountiful to Grandma's house. Something about Lortab makes me love everyone and everything. It's really obnoxious. I should be removed from communication with the outside world when I am forced to take pain pills. Otherwise I just embarrass myself.

Fully recognize that I look scary and have glazed over eyes, but look at that kid. Can you believe how cute he is? It's amazing how captivated we are with our third child. We just sit and stare. He is so quirky and funny. So much personality in those three little beings.

(I just noticed Bo looks like he has a lazy eye. Not so.)

Obviously I did not move off this couch much during the day. Keep in mind I had the bone in my foot sawed off two days before. That was painful. But I seriously dig Jaxon. He. Is. So. Cool. Except he always steals my Ipod. Other than the annoying seven year old boy things he does, he is so awesome. And he is such a mama's boy.

My mom is super hot for a mom. And my grandpa is the most awesome grandpa in the world. I love my grandparent's home. It is the most peaceful place on earth.

My last two favorite people. I wish I could explain the feeling I get when I see these four people in my family. Again, probably the drugs talking, but I am so THANKFUL. So incredibly thankful. Isn't she a princess? And he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I have learned something about myself these past few months. Something that I have been told by people around me forever, but still need to learn myself. I am not good at asking for help. I want to be the one helping. I would much rather baby sit someone else's kids than ask them to watch mine. I would much rather run to the store for someone who just had a baby than have to ask for dinner when I'm down. What is that? Pride? Independence? Wanting to be able to say I did it all on my own, or that I'm so helpful? Who knows. But it's not good. Travis defined it last night in the midst of one of my famous meltdowns as me being selfish. I want to help and hog all the blessings for myself without letting anyone else receive blessings for helping me.

I think there are lessons we are forced to learn whether we want to or not. I think sometimes things happen so that we are forced to recognize our shortcomings and become better people. And I think sometimes we find ourselves in these situations until we learn how to change. I'm obviously a little slow at changing, but I'm getting there.

I have the best support system. I have friends, family, neighbors, ward members, bishopric members, etc. who are willing to go out of their way to help me. I am so thankful for all of them. People who have no real responsibility to me or my family, but help me because they are simply good people. I'm surrounded by people like that. I can't walk outside in my awesome boot without one of my neighbors offering me dinner or offering to take my kids. I usually turn them down (refer to two paragraphs above) but just knowing they are there lightens my load.

I don't love Thanksgiving. Because I'm lame. And because when holidays are split between so many different families, it gets harder to get excited about some of them. But I do love the chance to think of all that I am blessed with.

That being said, my surgery went well. More painful than I anticipated, but also getting less painful more quickly than I thought. That really makes sense in my head.

Went to the doctor today and got everything checked out. It is so super awesome disgusting. I won't disgust you with a picture. But I'll get my stitches out in a week and the pin and the screw out in six weeks. Gross. I'll probably have to take some heavy duty Valium to get me through that one. Not really. I don't abuse prescription drugs. Promise. At least not regularly.

I spent a lot of time in my bedroom (because I couldn't walk on my own) while a lot of different people made me food, brought me treats, watched my kids, cleaned my house (poor Trav and Amy) and made me feel good. It was really really hard for me. I couldn't even walk three feet away to get my drink. So I was forced to rely on those around me. Again, a good learning experience but very tough for me. Hence the meltdown last night. I still can't drive, but I am walking pretty well. One more thing to be thankful for - a fairly major surgery that went well with no complications.

Plus, Bo Bo and I spent a lot of time cuddling on my bed watching "ooh ooh aah aah", AKA Curious George. It was definitely some much needed cuddle time. That's Jaxon's huge head in the bottom corner.
Final thankful item - no more hoof. Although Trav says I look like Frankenfoot right now (which makes me mad cause he said he wouldn't make fun of me anymore) within a few weeks or months I should have an awesome new foot. That doesn't hurt when I wear heels.

And best of all, this has taken my mind off losing a baby, and definitely put things in perspective. I feel very good about where I'm at and where I'm headed. I feel like I'm finally getting myself back.

I'll let you know if that changes in five minutes.