Sunday, December 19, 2010

Playing Catch-Up

Any of you who know me know that this last few weeks has been really crazy, hectic and even a little depressing. Not exactly what I wanted this Christmas, but I'll take what I can get.

We've done a few fun things, and I just wanted to show some pictures of how damn cute my family is.

Here is BoBo at Brylee's third birthday party. I dig this picture. He loves babies. Not the real kind, the doll ones. Even Emory didn't really like dolls. He's a weirdo.

Why, oh why, does this picture make me want to cry? Maybe because Jax looks like a dork? Maybe because I have a brand new niece? Or just because I love my boy so much?

I was going to apologize for Emory's outfit in this picture, but I won't. Because it's just her, and I like letting her be her.

And this is Sophie Kate. She is an angel baby. Brylee was a meanie, but this one is so calm. There is nothing more healing than a new baby.

We also had the annual Tangren family Christmas party and took family pictures before my mom does her surgery and chemo. This is just a snapshot someone took, not the real thing. Don't worry, we got a better photographer than that. What the crap is Amy doing?

My mom, Steve and Chad. Yes, Angie's husband looks just like Chad. Creepy.

Carissa, Aunt Linda, Amy and Travis. I love that Carissa lives in my basement and that Amy always comes over. They keep Travis and I young and always make me laugh. Not to mention they are awesome helpful.

Emory now smiles like a chipmunk. What the? These two are either the best of friends or the worst of enemies, depending on the second.

Burke, Morgan, Jax, Brylee and Emory. These kids are awesome, especially.....

...when they act like this. I love Burke in this.

Chipmunk Face, MeeMee and Bry.

This is my Aunt Amy, who we also called MeMe growing up, and her husband Steve. Anyone think I look like her? Oh ya, and baby Sophie's in there too.

I have a whole new appreciation for the man I married after these last few weeks.

Mom gave Bowen a FatBoy and walked off.

And this is how Amy found him. Dad was not happy when he brought the squished up melted ice cream in his hand to him. Someone should be more responsible for that child after they give him food. Sheesh.


For those of you who have asked and are interested, I am hanging in there. I'm not going to pretend like everything is fine. Because it really, really sucks. I have my good days and bad days. Happy, hopeful moments and bitter, angry moments. But I can't give up. How do you even do that? It's one foot in front of the other. I literally feel like I'm floating at times. Like something is carrying me through the day and protecting me from having to think about things too seriously. I think that's how I get through. One day it'll hit, and I'll face it, but that will all come in the right time. For now I'm just trying to feel how I feel. And allow others to do the same, and not expect them to react like I do. I've definitely learned that people react differently to traumatic situations, and that different is not bad. It's just different.

And in the midst of all this, I still look around and see how blessed I am. With the kids I have, the husband I have, the house I live in, the friends and extended family I have. I still get down, but ultimately it's hard to stay down for long when I have so much. I'm so grateful. Every day. And the gospel and my testimony will get me through this. I could not do it without those two things. I have found it much easier to get over myself and the things that have made me sad for awhile, and focus on other people. Sometimes it takes something like this happening for me to remember how tough I am, and to snap me out of my pity party.

Thank you to everyone who has called, texted, emailed, whatever. I am thankful for so many great friends who are truly concerned with my welfare. I love you all.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Happy Anniversary

Today I celebrated nine years with this guy.....He was thrilled to spend our anniversary at a family party. Actually, he was a really good sport. Just like he always is. He always puts me first. He is great with our kids. He is compassionate and affectionate. Plus he's hot. And the funniest person I've ever met. In fact, the only person who might be funnier than him is Stephen Colbert, and even that's a close one.

I am so glad I made the decision I did nine years ago. I had a little freakout two nights before we got married. I'm so glad that he called me on it and told me to work it out. I know Satan was working on me because he knew we would be a rockin' couple. And we are. The best.

I hope we have 70 more years together. I love him.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mom

My mom has been diagnosed with breast cancer. If you want to read about it, go here.

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving

Not many pictures from Thanksgiving. I was mostly on drugs and in pain, but still ventured to Bountiful to Grandma's house. Something about Lortab makes me love everyone and everything. It's really obnoxious. I should be removed from communication with the outside world when I am forced to take pain pills. Otherwise I just embarrass myself.


Fully recognize that I look scary and have glazed over eyes, but look at that kid. Can you believe how cute he is? It's amazing how captivated we are with our third child. We just sit and stare. He is so quirky and funny. So much personality in those three little beings.
(I just noticed Bo looks like he has a lazy eye. Not so.)


Obviously I did not move off this couch much during the day. Keep in mind I had the bone in my foot sawed off two days before. That was painful. But I seriously dig Jaxon. He. Is. So. Cool. Except he always steals my Ipod. Other than the annoying seven year old boy things he does, he is so awesome. And he is such a mama's boy.

My mom is super hot for a mom. And my grandpa is the most awesome grandpa in the world. I love my grandparent's home. It is the most peaceful place on earth.

My last two favorite people. I wish I could explain the feeling I get when I see these four people in my family. Again, probably the drugs talking, but I am so THANKFUL. So incredibly thankful. Isn't she a princess? And he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I have learned something about myself these past few months. Something that I have been told by people around me forever, but still need to learn myself. I am not good at asking for help. I want to be the one helping. I would much rather baby sit someone else's kids than ask them to watch mine. I would much rather run to the store for someone who just had a baby than have to ask for dinner when I'm down. What is that? Pride? Independence? Wanting to be able to say I did it all on my own, or that I'm so helpful? Who knows. But it's not good. Travis defined it last night in the midst of one of my famous meltdowns as me being selfish. I want to help and hog all the blessings for myself without letting anyone else receive blessings for helping me.

I think there are lessons we are forced to learn whether we want to or not. I think sometimes things happen so that we are forced to recognize our shortcomings and become better people. And I think sometimes we find ourselves in these situations until we learn how to change. I'm obviously a little slow at changing, but I'm getting there.

I have the best support system. I have friends, family, neighbors, ward members, bishopric members, etc. who are willing to go out of their way to help me. I am so thankful for all of them. People who have no real responsibility to me or my family, but help me because they are simply good people. I'm surrounded by people like that. I can't walk outside in my awesome boot without one of my neighbors offering me dinner or offering to take my kids. I usually turn them down (refer to two paragraphs above) but just knowing they are there lightens my load.

I don't love Thanksgiving. Because I'm lame. And because when holidays are split between so many different families, it gets harder to get excited about some of them. But I do love the chance to think of all that I am blessed with.

That being said, my surgery went well. More painful than I anticipated, but also getting less painful more quickly than I thought. That really makes sense in my head.

Went to the doctor today and got everything checked out. It is so super awesome disgusting. I won't disgust you with a picture. But I'll get my stitches out in a week and the pin and the screw out in six weeks. Gross. I'll probably have to take some heavy duty Valium to get me through that one. Not really. I don't abuse prescription drugs. Promise. At least not regularly.

I spent a lot of time in my bedroom (because I couldn't walk on my own) while a lot of different people made me food, brought me treats, watched my kids, cleaned my house (poor Trav and Amy) and made me feel good. It was really really hard for me. I couldn't even walk three feet away to get my drink. So I was forced to rely on those around me. Again, a good learning experience but very tough for me. Hence the meltdown last night. I still can't drive, but I am walking pretty well. One more thing to be thankful for - a fairly major surgery that went well with no complications.

Plus, Bo Bo and I spent a lot of time cuddling on my bed watching "ooh ooh aah aah", AKA Curious George. It was definitely some much needed cuddle time. That's Jaxon's huge head in the bottom corner.
Final thankful item - no more hoof. Although Trav says I look like Frankenfoot right now (which makes me mad cause he said he wouldn't make fun of me anymore) within a few weeks or months I should have an awesome new foot. That doesn't hurt when I wear heels.

And best of all, this has taken my mind off losing a baby, and definitely put things in perspective. I feel very good about where I'm at and where I'm headed. I feel like I'm finally getting myself back.

I'll let you know if that changes in five minutes.

Sophia Kate

Baby Sophia Kate was born to Angie, Steve and Brylee on Thursday November 18 at about 6:30. I would like to say thank you to everyone who names their babies after me with a name that is not really mine. I still love you. It's okay, I understand. Katie is ugly.

Everyone loves Uncle Travey best. It's incredibly unfair when I spend all my time and money trying to earn their love and all he does is show up. He loves babies.Cutest family. Yes, the baby is in the carseat somewhere and no, Brylee is not possessed.
Oh, she's so cute. Aunt Katie loves babies.

Why do I love this picture so much? This is immediately post bath, which they let daddy give her in the room. It was so cute. Steve's a softie.

Best aunt ever. Duh.

Love it. Brylee ignored her at first then wouldn't let her go. Brylee looks just like Angie and it makes me laugh.
Right after birth. With that weird stuff on her eyes.

My feet don't touch the floor. What am I, five? Seriously. A little height would give me some authority here.
My motha and two of my three sisters.
Scary. Yucky. Angie's all drugged up and flashing us some skin.

MeeMee and Gee, according to Bowen.

I love new babies. She's a sweetie so far, too. Not mean like her big sister was. I think we might even be able to talk Angie into having more after this one.

I also had my surgery. More about that later.

THE Ranch

We hit the ranch with the Strand family in Cache county a few weekends ago. It was quite the adventure. We did lots of talking, running around and stepping in cow manure. Gross.

Some smooching in the kitchen. Ewwww.
Travis took the kids for a walk in a sweathshirt that was way too small for him, thanks to Joe. And Angie & Dylan and Bowen & I took a good long nap. I really needed it after waking up an hour earlier.

The kids threw some rocks.

Jaxon makes the coolest faces by far.

Super cool place on about a million acres with lots of animals and tons of retro furniture.

Jaxon gets it from Travis.
We ended the weekend with Emory being sick and pizza at Frederico's in Logan. I don't love Logan, but realized I could get used to it if we had to live there. Trav put a stop to that thinking real fast by letting me know he has no intention of ever teaching at Utah State.

Super fun weekend. Or 24 hour period. Either way.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

My Hoof

I have a bone that is too long in my right foot. Because it's too long, I have a big bump on the side of my foot. It's not a bunion. I don't know why there is such negative connotation with that word, but I do feel like I have to point that out. Travis calls it my hoof. And he won't touch it. And for a man who is nowhere near grossed out by anything disgusting (he's a lab scientist, remember), this is saying something.

(I have really veiny feet.)

I scheduled a surgery to get it fixed in early September. About a week after I scheduled it I found out I was pregnant. I called back and cancelled. Well, it turns out I miscarried right before I would have had the surgery, but I was glad I had decided not to do it. Mostly just because it was two days before Peach Days. And what would I have done if I couldn't have gone to Peach Days?

Well, after the miscarriage I called back and rescheduled. This time for October 7th, a month to the day from when I had my D&C. Writing it like that makes it look creepy, but I'm keeping it. Anyway, we went in early on a Thursday morning all prepared for me to have my hoof removed. As they were taking my vitals, the nurses came in, shut the door and sat down. I got a little nervous. They told me my pregnancy test had come back positive. I laughed and told them that wasn't possible. I told them I had recently had a miscarriage and hadn't even had a period yet, and it must have just been the remnants of that. They told me they had tested it twice. I wasn't convinced, and I really had my heart set on leaving there with a normal foot. So I went out in the hall and called my OB's office. The nurse told me it actually was possible to be pregnant this soon. She told me to come in and have some blood work done. I left the surgical center semi-excited and semi-disappointed, and not sure what to hope for.

They drew my blood as soon as I arrived, and we sat for the half hour wait to get the results back and for my doctor to arrive. When they called me back, they told me the blood test had come back positive and my doctor wanted to do an ultrasound. At this point I was getting excited. I couldn't believe it. We weren't even trying, but weren't aware we might need to be preventing. I was a little nervous about what all this could mean for a baby. The doctor did an ultrasound and told me I was just a few days pregnant. In fact, due to the circumstances, I could pinpoint it to about the hour:). He said all he could see was a gestational sac, so we just needed to wait and give the baby time to grow. He asked me to come back in three weeks. Trav and I went to breakfast to celebrate. I was feeling happy, but cautious. After the letdown of my last pregnancy, I wanted to be careful. But since everyone expected me to have surgery, I couldn't keep it a secret from everyone. I told a few friends and my family, so I didn't end up with baby-sitters and dinner for having had surgery.

Just a side note, here are some of the texts received from Trav's family when we told them:

Jamey: Man, your boys don't waste anytime sending in reinforcements. Too bad about not fixing Katie's foot. (Or something to that effect.)

Carson: That's awesome. Sorry Katie still has a stupid foot.

Thanks, Price family, for your support.

The story goes on. A few weeks went by. One Wednesday morning I started spotting. I know from past pregnancies this is perfectly normal. A few hours later I started bleeding heavily. I called the doctor and they brought me in to see a different doctor, since mine was out of town. (Don't obstetricians know they're not allowed to go on vacation??) Since the circumstances around the pregnancy were so weird, I didn't have a due date, or a first day of my last period, or any of that. So the new doctor was a little confused. She told me my urine test was coming up questionably positive, then she did an ultrasound. Let's just say there was nothing there. She told me to go home and do another test. I think she thought my doctor was crazy for telling me I was pregnant. But I have a picture of that little sac, so I was pretty convinced. I came home, took another test, and it still came back positive. I decided to just wait for my next appointment with my doctor, which originally had been for my first prenatal appointment.

The next week I met with him. He did an ultrasound and another urine test. At this point I had bled for about a week and stopped. I knew I was not pregnant, just didn't know if I ever was or if I had lost another one. He confirmed to me that I had miscarried. That sounds much more awful than it was. If I had not been having surgery, I never would have known. I didn't have much sadness with this, just disappointment. I really felt like me being pregnant that fast had been an answer to my prayers. I think now that I needed to feel like I was pregnant for those few weeks to help pull me out of my funk.

We made the rounds once again of letting everyone I'm not having a baby. That was a joy.

So, at this point, I'm pretty over the whole thing. I need some time without crazy emotions to figure out what I want, and when I want another baby. I do want more kids, but am realizing now that emotionally I may need to hold off for awhile. I definitely feel much more grateful that I have the three that I do. And maybe they need more time with mom before we add more.

Moral of the story is: I'm not pregnant. Again. Barring a major slip-up, we may wait awhile.

But I am excited to get my foot fixed the end of November. Nobody wants a hoof. Travis always asks me if I want some hay or when my next appointment with the vet is. He thinks he's funny. Never mind the fact that he has skeleton toes.




All that being said, I'm doing fine. Still pulling myself out of the funk, but getting there definitely. I have a new niece coming and by the end of this month I'll have a normal foot. What more could I want?

Megapost of Pictures

I apologize for all the melodrama around here lately. I'm figuring out that I feel much better about myself if I don't sleep all day and actually get something accomplished.

Here's what's been going on lately. I'll try to add lots of pictures and not add lots of my thoughts. I'm super boring lately.

Here's a great big picture of Bo's head to start us off. Took him to the doctor the other day. 10th percentile for weight, 50th for height, and 90th for head. I called Travis after and he said "why are our kids built like push pins?" Ha ha ha.
It was Carissa's 24th birthday. For those who don't know, Carissa lives in our basement. Not in a creepy we keep her locked there way, but she chooses to. She's Amy's friend and has had a sucky life, so we adopted her. She's a good girl. We love her. She doesn't really have squinty eyes. It just looks like it. My kids love her. Bo Bo calls her Sa.
I had to post this. One, because I decided I'm secure enough to post ugly pictures of myself, and two because I seriously dig my sister. You should all want one just like her.
This is Bo's girlfriend Kenley. I don't know why she wants to be his girlfriend though. All he does is scream at her and steal toys. But they both climbed in this car (and yes, it was in my living room) and drove around together. So freaking cute.
They shared a little snack in the corner of the kitchen. It started out like this...
...and ended with Kenley finishing off all the food in the corner by herself. Which one do you think is the chubby one? I love her.

Halloween happened. By far my least favorite holiday. But it was so fun this year, despite Jaxon puking all day. We hit the ward trunk or treat, which was freezing cold and rainy, and then took the younger two kids to my mom's condo area to trick or treat. Condo = much more efficient trick or treating.

My brother and Derek. And absolutely positively the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Especially when he hugged me. Gross.
Bo and Uncle Steve. I have to post this picture. Look at freaking Steve's face. He is so awesome. I promise he's not a creeper, although it would appear differently here.
I think she loves me almost as much as I love her. She'll come to me from her mom and she won't go to her dad from me at first.
Me, Bo, Kenley and her super hot mom Mindy. Mindy is awesome. One of the best friends and neighbors I ever could have. Our kids are the same ages and love each other. I'm so glad we live by each other. She watches my kids for me all the time so I don't murder them. She's also very patient and nice. And my brother thinks she's hot.
I LOVE Bo in this picture. Emory was a Barbie and Brylee was Belle. They were so fun. The weirdos in the back were some creeps that showed up to the ward party. AKA Carissa and Amy.
Me and my freezing cold but not puking kids. What is my hair doing? Flying away?
I could've watched Bo walk around all night. He would go up to door, walk in, take a treat and walk out. He'd get about ten treats in his hand before he'd let me put them in his bag. He was so funny in that costume. And yes, he's a monkey every year. If you know my kids, you know that's totally appropriate.
The end of the night. Poor sleepy boy. That costume is so not carseat friendly.
I'm a bad mom and didn't get pictures of Jaxon. Mostly because he laid on the couch all day, but I did miss taking pictures of his school party. But he came to grandma's for about the last half hour of trick or treating, so he was happy with how things went down.

Have I mentioned how much I love this time of year?