Sunday, September 28, 2008

Somedays I feel like I'm really spoiled. All I do is hang out with friends and family, play with my kids and my husband, and spend money. Then I have days where I think I'm not so spoiled that include balancing said money, puking my guts out and yelling at my kids. But for the most part, this weekend was good!

We took the kids to Chuck E Cheese with Chelsea and her kids, Tami and her kids, Aubs and her kids, Mindy and her kids and Angie & Brylee and Grandma. Note to anyone thinking about going: eat first. Food is disgusting and expensive, but the kids had a blast on the toys.

Angie and I went to the mall after and my kids had a little bit of a meltdown, so Angie thought I needed a break. She called me after I got home and had me ride the Frontrunner down to Sandy to hang out with her and my mom and spend the night. I almost didn't go, but it was fun. A two hour train ride (which was actually very relaxing with no kids) to see a stupid movie (Nights in Rodanthe - I would rather poke myself in the eye one thousand times than see it again) and get a free lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. Yummy. Crab. Love my mom for taking us. And love Angie and Travis for making me take a break. Here's the fat head eating. I think I like this child. She makes me giggle.
Trav took the kids to do a bunch of fun things, because he rocks, but when I got home on Saturday we got in the car and went right back down to Salt Lake for the Weber State/U of U game. It was so fun and Travis hooked us up with some free tickets. I don't love football games (although I do love the food) but it's cool to watch Weber play such a big team. And they lost of course, but we scored THREE times. Go us. Trav was talking to one of his friends during the game and he asked him if we were going to win and his friend said "We already won. We scored once."

Here's the Ute fans.
And to the left there are the Weber fans. Ha ha ha. So fun to come from a small school who occasionally does well than one who is expected to always win. But don't worry, we cheer for the U when they play BYU.
I love Utah. Isn't it beautiful here? This is the view from where we were sitting.
The other side of the stadium. This is such a beautiful place.Trav's a little bipolar about who he supports. He graduated from both Weber (undergrad) and the U (Masters) , but Weber pays the bills. He eventually took his hat off, don't worry.We have so dang much fun together.
And this is what happens when you park in the median. Who knew that was illegal? Even when one thousand other people are parked there. Dang it.

We had a fun conversation between the members of our little family tonight. Emory came out of her room in her princess dress and this is how it went down:

Em: Jax, do you want to marry me?

Jax: No way.

Em: Dad, do you want to marry me?

Trav: Of course, Emory.

Em: Then get off your chair and marry me.

I guess marrying her means brushing her hair. I asked her where she learned it and she said "From my friend Mindy. Actually just Mindy." Guess Mindy's been down graded from friend.

Em: Mom, will you help me get my purple dress?

Mom: Have Jax help you. (Poor kid, everything gets pawned off on him.)

Em: He can't, he's fighting bad guys.

Em: Jax, will you help me get my purple dress?

Jax: No way, cause I know what you're up to. You want me to marry you.

It's nights like tonight that I think it's all worth it. Even when the crazy one is acting incredibly crazy at the moment. Love this family of mine.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I Love......

This. Made by this girl. She wouldn't let me take her picture because she's been sick. She made me dinner even though she's been sick. And I know for a fact she doesn't make dinner for everyone. I love her. And this soup was so yummy, you should all be jealous and hope to be her adopted sister someday.
And this...So You Think You Can Dance with my friends. So so fun. And sorry for some of you, I thought it was AWESOME. This picture is not so awesome, but the tour was a blast.
Dinner before at Macaroni Grill. Laci, Marci, Mindy, Angie, Amy, Me, Aubrie and Chelsea. Notice no kids? Awesome.
Not a good picture but you get the idea. We actually had pretty good seats. It was a really good show. Here's Kherington and Twitch after the bed dance. Did I mention he has a really nice body?
And this! I did it. He said I never would and I did. I told Trav I wanted to help him this week because he always helps me (as I nauseatingly mention every week) and he said I would never do it. So guess what...I mowed the lawn tonight. Don't make fun, it's the first time. Our lawn is freaking huge so I hate it. Now I can't wait for him to get home and see it.
Should I be honest? I called our friend Rocky over to help me so I didn't cut off a toe (that's right, tonight was the first time I've run a lawn mower) and he did the back yard with his riding lawnmower. Probably would have killed me to do it. But it was fun. And now I get to say "told you so" to Trav. He's gonna be so mad because he's so picky about how the lawn is mowed and I did not do a good job. But it was fun!
Life is good!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Jax and the Internet

Jaxon was trying to google things that he likes today. Look at the fourth and fifth lines down. I think he was going for "stuff Jaxon likes". He also came back in the bathroom whileI was getting ready today and asked me how to spell dot com because he wanted to look up The kid never fails to make me laugh.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


I had a bad day yesterday. One of those "dreading it from the moment you wake up" days. And not one of those "if I just go back to bed it will get better" days. Just a crappy one that kept getting crappier. For example: my back window was shattered by a landscaping crew on my way to meet Travis for lunch, the kids were horrid, I was even more horrid, Emory threw a fit and wouldn't go to dance class and I was sick all day. Wah wah wah. It always gets better. And it takes days like these for me to realize a few things. Throughout the whole day, the main theme that kept running through my head was "Why can't things be easier?"

Now, I know we all deal with trials, and mine may seem small to some. But I also recognize that we all have different things at different times, and we are all allowed to melt down, no matter how minor it may seem to others.

I have been doing a lot more introspection this pregnancy, and trying to discover why I feel the way I do and what Heavenly Father expects me to learn. Travis gave me a blessing a week ago and told me in the blessing that there was a reason that I get so sick, but that the reason may be impossible for me to figure out in this life. After I overcame the urge to punch him for not saying what I wanted him to say, I started thinking about myself and some of the things that I need to learn. He also blessed me that I would be able to overcome my pride and ask for help. It wasn't one of those "feel good" blessings. It was one of those "I'm going to tell you how to make it better" blessings. Heaven forbid.

I had a good conversation with a friend of mine who is struggling with some things after recently having a baby. I told her she is too hard on herself and that she needs to learn to let things go. Of course, this was on a day where I was feeling good, I got my entire house organized and I even made dinner. Then came Wednesday, and I got to take a good look at myself.

What is it about women that makes us think we have to be super human? Three months after giving birth I'm supposed to be at the weight I want, always on top of my house, and never tired. Three months pregnant with two kids and I'm supposed to not have a bad day, and only help other people, never asking for help myself. And even though I may only have one baby, I'm not allowed to feel overwhelmed by motherhood and the responsibilities that come with it. Like it's not the hugest most important calling on earth. Just a few examples I thought of (these may seem familiar to some of you:).

I talked to Travis about this last night. We have these deep discussions sometimes and I think he thinks I'm crazy. But I told him I think Heavenly Father wants us all to be easier on ourselves. We are precious to Him and we are His children. He wants us to see our true value and our true potential, and not the things we don't do. I think sometimes He makes things hard because He wants us to learn to love ourselves, even when we're not super human. And for those who have learned to let things go and take it as it comes, it's a little easier for them because it's not a lesson they need to learn. But for those of us who expect so much of ourselves, we have to learn to view ourselves how He sees us. This is, I believe, one of the hardest lessons to learn on this earth. How to truly love ourselves, even when it's too much. To laugh at ourselves when we are stupid, to blow things off when they don't go how we want them to, to take our kids to the store without their hair done, to eat potato chips for breakfast some days, and to be less than perfect. He doesn't want us to be perfect. He only wants us to try our hardest. I would think He would be happier if we loved ourselves than if we were perfectly perfect all the time. So to answer my question "Why can't things be easier?" I would have to say "Because you need to learn who you are and how to love yourself even when things aren't easy." It helps, just a little.

All I have to do is think of how I would feel if one of my children were so down on themselves all the time. Then I re-think my opinion on what I have "gotten done" that day.

And just to remind us all: our calling in life is not housekeeper, it is not cook, it is not bathroom cleaner, or floor mopper, or laundry doer, or constant smiler. Our calling in life is mother, friend, visiting teacher, helper, listener, server and wife. Sometimes we let the important things get mixed up with all the non-important things that tag themselves onto our callings.

Now, we had a better day today. I feel strongly that much of our attitude determines our day. Yesterday, I woke up with a bad attitude. Today I did also, but I made a conscious effort to change it. That sounds really annoying, but I do believe a lot of the time we are in control of how we feel.

Anyway, we made cookies while Jaxon was at school and I even managed to get my floors mopped. That's enough for me.

This child is often the source of my anxiety, or the source of my happiness. She is so funny.
And also so crazy.Doesn't this picture tell the whole story? Princess with an attitude anyone?

Sunday, September 14, 2008


It has been a hard week. In fact, it's been the worst so far. Physically I haven't felt great and emotionally I've been pretty down. I recognize that it's just part of the process, but I also find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point. It's hard to believe life isn't always like this, and that it will get better.

Well, on Thursday we went to the doctor. He informed us that he is 99% sure that it is a girl. I pretty much burst into tears. I was so sure it was a boy, and so hoping for one. I'm a little embarrassed to say I was disappointed. I have adjusted to the idea, and figured that it was probably a lot more than that that I was upset about. I know I will be happy when the baby gets here, but let's just say until then, I am working on being excited. I bet any of you out there with all girls don't feel too bad for me huh? I just figure since I was so sure it was a boy, and felt like we had already bonded, that there must be another little boy up there for us. Or not and we'll have a houseful of girls and they'll institutionalize me by the time I'm thirty. We'll see.

So, having such a hard week, I have to look back and find the things that made me smile despite my lingering depression this week. Here are a few examples:

Happy Thing #1: Emmer started dance classes this week. She was so excited. She picked out her little outfit and off we went. They wouldn't let me watch, but she just ran in there and introduced herself to all the other kids. I am grateful every day that I don't have shy kids. It makes my life so much easier.
Happy Thing#2: This is us sitting outside waiting for my cute neighbors to bring us pizza for dinner because they heard I was sick and wanted to do something nice for me. Have I mentioned I love where I live?
Her little purple oufitt that she won't take off. I bought it at Peach Days and isn't it so cute, even with the crusty face?
Happy Thing #3: This little boy asked me if he could fast for me so I would feel better. Love that child and his spirit.Happy Thing #4: My kids practicing soccer in the back yard with their dad. So cute. And my house. This is the best place in the whole world to lay on the couch and be miserable.She's a beauty isn't she? And again, she never takes off the dress.Happy Thing #5: Swinging on the swingset with my kids when the weather is cooling off. Sorry for the bad picture. I love this time of year. Everything is good.

Happy Thing #6: My friends and neighbors the Kotters came and took my kids Monday night while Travis was gone and took them to the park. Mindy had to clean up an "accident" by Emory, and Rocky brought me a Coke before they left. I love having friends who are so thoughtful.

Happy Thing #7: We took the kids to a WSU football game last night and it was so fun. The weather was beautiful, I love football game food, and the kids had so much fun. We hit the last two quarters and had a great time. These three are often the things that make me the most happy. The bottom picture is us watching the fireworks after.
Happy Thing #8: My husband. I know I say it a lot, but he comes home at 8 PM after a long day, and just picks up where I can't do it anymore. He takes over on the weekend, and somehow, just by being around, he makes me want to do more. I am grateful every single second of every single day for him.

Happy Thing #9: Shopping and lunch with my sister and my niece. Angie is so much like me, and I feel like I can say anything to her and she understands me and forgives me for it instantly. I am so grateful for her. And my Aunt Amy. And shopping is always a blessing:).

It's hard to see how I can feel so depressed when I have all these blessings, but it's still possible. But I'm fighting it and I feel better. And I feel best if I get out and do things, so if anyone is bored and wants to hang out, give me a call:).

I am learning too, and was reminded today in church again, that sometimes we have to pray even for the obvious things. That Heavenly Father is waiting to bless us, but He needs us to ask. It's always very humbling to me to realize that I am part of something so much bigger than me, and that I do not always have control. I am grateful for that knowledge today.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Fun Fun Weekend

*Edited to ask for a favor. If any of you have any good, simple soup recipes, will you either post them in a comment or email them to me at I prefer chicken/vegetable type stuff, but anything easy is good for me. Thanks!

Well, it was Peach Days weekend and we survived. It seems to get busier and trashier every year, but even more fun now that I have children that love it. We had so much fun. And corny as it sounds, I was overwhelmed Friday night with how much I adore these children. You wouldn't know it by how much I yelled at them today, but I do.

This little girl either makes me laugh or makes me scream. There is no happy medium with her. She so wants to be a real princess. This was her cousin Avory's outfit, but Emory told her she wanted to wear it and sweet little Avory took it off and let her. Or maybe she was just scared Emory would yell at her if she didn't.
Here they are together. They are two weeks apart and could not look more different, but they love each other. They had a sleepover together Friday night at Grandpa's.
Gavin, Jaxon and Teagan. Sorry Lish, this was the best picture I got. Watching these three together was the highlight of my weekend. I even got talked into going down the big slide with them, and I'm not entirely sure it was safe for the baby. They are so much fun.
Need I say more? But isn't she so damn cute?
You all know how I feel about these two.
On Saturday we took a break in between parade and carnival for Jaxon's first soccer game. It was the absolute funniest thing I've ever seen. I have never laughed so hard. He looked so big and as I just went through the pictures, I wanted to cry. But I find I want to do that a lot lately:).

Here he is with his hottie Aunt Amy. He took a break the fourth quarter and told his coach he was tired and wanted to go play on the playground.
Here he is doing handstands on the sidelines in the middle of the game. We started him in gymnastics last week and apparently he thought this was a great place to practice.
He will always be special to me. My hair is not as red as it looks here.
Forgive the one thousand pictures, but it was so so much fun. He doesn't quite get it, and he's not aggressive at all, but he keeps telling me the important thing is that he had fun. He is just like his dad. I don't care if he never excels at anything athletic, I just want him to stay just how he is. He's perfect.

His outfit is huge and it makes him look even bigger to me. Do I really have a kid this old???

This one makes me cry for some reason. When did he grow up? Where's my baby?
Every time he ran by, even mid-play, he would stop and smile for the camera.

Many emotions ran through me this weekend. I enjoyed my kids so much, which is good because today has not been such a good day. Travis is in Colorado at a Foo Fighters concert, and I wallowed in guilt for everything I've ever done wrong as a mother, so it's been a long day. I have to keep reminding myself that it's the hormones, it's not how I really feel. I also fell even more in love with my husband if that's even possible. Isn't it sickeningly sweet how much I love him? He is my rock and often the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of seeing him and playing games with him, especially on a hard day. Can't wait to see him tomorrow night.

I haven't felt very good the past few days, so here's to hoping that things get better. I talked to another pregnant woman tonight and somehow sharing our pain makes me feel a little better (thanks Jody).

Now can someone please stop my children from growing up over the next six months so I can enjoy every phase of their lives without being sick?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tender Mercies

I know I'm not alone in saying this, but I am a huge fan of Elder Bednar's talk on tender mercies during general conference a few years ago. I often reflect on things in my life and think of how grateful I am for the tender mercies the Lord has blessed me with. I am sure so many people who heard this same talk felt the same way. His humbleness and testimony came across so well as he spoke of the overwhelming feelings of being called as an Apostle. If any of you have not read it and would like to, here is the link. I would also tell those of you who have to reread it.

I love that tender mercies are not necessarily things that we have asked for. In that sense, they are things that we must seek out and be willing to acknowledge. They are small blessings we may not even recognize if we are not in the right frame of mind. The little things our Heavenly Father does to remind us that He is aware of us, even if He can't give us the answer we want. Things we have to have faith to believe He blesses us with. Whenever I realize a small blessing in my life, I immediately think of this talk.

So, here are a few of my tender mercies I have noticed lately:

#1 - Travis is gone all day on Tuesday. He leaves about 7:30 AM and gets home at about ten at night. He has to teach all day and then has two classes at night, one in Logan and one in Brigham. He comes home tired and worn out. I feel bad for him. I recognize that Tuesdays will also be long days for me, so I try to keep myself busy. Both nights that he has been gone so far, my kids have gone to bed without a fuss and fallen asleep immediately. Every other night has been a real trial lately. I don't think it's coincidence. I think my Heavenly Father recognizes that I need to be happy and upbeat for my husband when he gets home, and I think that is made possible by the tender mercy of my children going to bed well.

#2 - When I am pregnant, I have a constant metallic taste in my mouth. It's one of the things that makes me most sick, and one of the things I hate most about being pregnant. I realized last night that I have not had that problem. Any time I have had a bad taste in my mouth, gum takes care of it. As I was sitting on the couch last night after a particularly nasty pregnant day, I almost burst into tears thinking about it. Maybe I didn't feel well, but that was one burden Heavenly Father took from me. Every day that I feel well is a tender mercy from Him, but this is a major one that is really hard for me. I know He is going to expect a lot out of me over the next few months, and I am grateful for everything He does to make it easier, even the tender mercy of making my mouth taste better:).

#3 - Good friends who go shopping with me and take the time to make my day go by faster and easier. I am grateful for the tender mercy of friends who genuinely love me and my children and will do all they can to make my life easier. It's so nice to have people to fall back on when you need help. For today, thanks Aubs.

On a lighter note, I bought something new today. It's a new stroller. I can't wait for this baby to get here. I really am so so excited, and that is a blessing in and of itself for someone who doesn't like being pregnant. Here it is:

It's the Sit 'N Stand. Anyone who loves it, feel free to tell me. I've wanted one forever, so in honor of Peach Days and so I don't have to listen to my kids whine while we walk around, I bought it. We went for a walk tonight and so far, I love it.